![The-Simpsons-[09x05]-The Cartridge Family](https://bartsblackboard.com/files/2009/12/The-Simpsons-09x05-The-Cartridge-Family.jpg "The-Simpsons-[09x05]-The Cartridge Family")
From: The Cartridge Family
Season 9, Episode 5
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Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story18 comments to Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story |
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All Original Content © Bart's Blackboard. The Simpsons © FOX and its related entities. |
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Janet Green was my Sunday school bible school teacher, she used to speak unto me in tongues and she gave my class a meaningful motivational sermon called “Which way should I go and which path should I take?”
Rod: Dad, Todd’s speaking in tongues!
Take that Satan
Satan eat my shorts
He’s a Catholic, A Hindu, an atheist, a Jain
He’s a Buddhist, A Baptist, And A Jew
Talking about the subject of religion Judas Priest is not death metal
In “Alone Again, Natura-diddily”, at a car race at the Springfield Speedway, Maude goes to the refreshment booth to get Ned some hot dogs and Homer is a substitute racer for the injured Clay Buckman as Ned asks for no foot-longs,
which make Ned uncomfortable. Then after returning to her seat with two hot dogs and a Dr. Pepper, Maude is hit by t-shirts fired from cannons and knocked off the grandstands, she falls to her death and at Maude’s funeral in which Reverend Lovejoy officiates and all the residents of Springfield are in attendance, Groundskeeper Willy plays “Amazing Grace” on the bagpipes as Maude is buried and her coffin or casket is lowered. At the Simpsons’ house, everyone shows up to give Ned their condolences and Bart samples a piece of the frosting on the cake written
Rest in Peace and shaped like a tombstone. Bart and Homer make Ned a dating ad video which ends with Marge in labor, after no luck of finding a new woman, Ned finally
hooks up with Rachel Jordan, the lead singer of a Christian rock band called Kovenant who he just met at church after she sings a love song about a dude whom she met in a sleazy motel, a dude named god.
After his mom’s suggestion he goes to play with Rod and Todd, Bart plays Billy Graham’s Bible Blaster and converts
all the heathens as the hymn “Bringing in the Sheaves” plays and Rod tells Bart he winged the heathen and made him a Unitarian then Todd warns Bart about the gentle Baha’i. After she is crowned as little miss Springfield, Lisa Simpson backs Laramie Cigarettes as the company’s model, she is featured on an advertisement poster which is designed by Jack Larson, which features the likeness of Lisa Simpson wearing pajamas, with a cigarette in her mouth, and praying, the poster reads “God bless mommy and daddy, and Laramie Cigarettes.”
Bart sings “Amazing Grace” in the church choir at First Church of Springfield and Marge notices him singing good than ever before then Springfield is holding its Christian pride parade as Bart, Rod, and Todd are marching in the parade and holding hands.
Jesus Christ is leading the parade and he tosses and twirls a baton as Revered Lovejoy and his wife Helen
with disco Stu and Agnes Skinner, Luanne Van Houten and Hans Mole man are marching in the parade shouting “We’re Christian, we’re proud, but don’t say it too loud!”
The banner says “Christian pride parade- Warning: pride is a sin”
Bart, Rod, and Todd are wearing their angel wings as they’re marching in the parade and holding hands
Rod: Holding hands are holy hands.
Nelson comes up with a plan to sabotage the Christian pride parade by playing the tuba then with one tuba blast, the bodies explode and spell “Haw haw”
Rod and Todd: We’re pure we’re sure get used to it
Before each and every dci competition, the cadets of Bergen county play their corps song “On a Hymnsong of Philip Bliss” which is “It is well with my soul” and the Rosemont Cavaliers play “Praise God from whom All blessings flow.”
I was raised catholic and born catholic and I went to Hargrove Catholic School for boys and on Sunday me and the other boys at Hargrove would sing in the youth boys choir during worship service at Saint Bartholomew’s Catholic Church and First United Methodist Church.
Every year in December on the week before Christmas Eve service, the town in New Jersey I grew up in would have its parish Christmas parade and my classmates at Hargrove Boys Catholic School and the young male parishioners at Saint Bartholomew’s Catholic Church and I would represent our church and our School in our town as we sat with next to Santa Claus in his sleigh and at Saint Bartholomew’s for Christmas service we sang “O Holy Night.”
Religiously affiliated schools in Las Vegas and division I Colleges
Faith Lutheran-School is the Crusaders
Bishop Gorman- Gaels is the nickname
University of Notre Dame- Catholic University
Brigham Young University- Operated by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints
University of Southern California- School formerly nicknamed the Methodists
Southern Methodist University and Texas Christian University
Providence College- School nickname is the Friars
Them that’s got shall get
Them that’s not shall lose
So the Bible says
And it still is news
Mama may have
Papa may have
But god bless the child that’s got his own
That’s got his own
It’s the strong get smart
While the weak ones fade
And if I get stumped
They’ll never make the grade
Mama may have
Papa may have
But god bless the child that’s got his own
That’s got his own
When you’ve got money
You’ve got lots of friends
Crowded ‘round the door
But when the money’s gone
All your spending ends
They don’t come ‘round no more
Rich relations give
Crust of bread and such
You may help yourself
But don’t take too much
Mama may have
Papa may have
But god bless the child that’s got his own
That’s got his own
Reverend Lovejoy: let’s rise for our opening hymn “In the garden of Eden” by Iron Butterfly.
In the garden of Eden, Honey don’t you know I love you?
In the garden of Eden, baby don’t you know I’ll always be true?
Oh, won’t you come with me and take my hand?
Oh won’t you come with me and walk this Land?
At one time there used to be a bowling team called the holy rollers, which had the Flanderses and the Lovejoys which were Helen, Maude, Ned, and Tim.
In the Catholic church we have a reverend, in the Christian and Baptist church we have a pastor, for the Mormon church we have a bishop and the leader of the synagogue is called a rabbi.
There will be an answer let it be
Pastor Brian: David smote Goliath and slayed him, Bathsheba and Job went unto the holy land as the kingdom of the state of Israel and Moses said unto the lord “Let my people go.” In those days of Caesar Augustus that all would be taxed, Joseph and Mary of Galilee And Nazareth went unto Judea into Bethlehem and Mary being great with child brought forth her only newborn son and placed him in a stable in the manger for there was no room for them at the inn. Then the glory of the lord shone around them and the wise men were sore afraid and the angel of the lord said unto them “Fear not for I bring you tidings and news of great joy and this shall be a sign to all for born unto you this day in the city of David is a savior who is Christ the lord for you will find the child wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger.” Then lo a multitude of the heavenly host with the angels praising god and saying “Glory to god in the highest and on earth peace, goodwill towards men.”
For his song and dance number during the talent show held at Springfield bowl to restore the town Mr. Burns performs Golden Slippers and Lisa plays Golden Slippers on her baritone saxophone.
Krusty the Clown is a Jew
his pop’s a rabbi and in Today, I’m a Clown Krusty has a bar mitzvah.
Mort Goldman blows a shofar since Mort’s a jew